Eh?

 I woke up just now body feeling like Mush! bones jammed into a sack of skin! I'm soo tired! A new month and now its just feelings of entrapment. I remember I used to ask why most rock singers are usually submersed in water in their videos, I never understood it. Starting to feel like I know why now. I always thought it was so cliche. But now i find myself wanted to hold myself under as I find my will to live... or to cleanse my soul, self "baptism. Life is all to real right now and from all the excitement and hullaballoo. But yet I'm that girl in the corner of the club by herself... AWKWARD! Rather read a book and shut the world out! I definitely did that last night... WOW. Displacement. Can somebody please tell me when my stop is? the city is full of wonderment and look closer more filled with lost souls I was one of them. I've been getting crazy deju vu recently, it reassures me. But when I turn over all I see are pillows, strategically placed to hold me, every "curve". I need a hug. I don't want anyone to touch me. I'm that fucking outsider. coaching myself outside of club to get it together, change your aura you're scaring all the girls away, soften up! have a drink or 5. Do something! you're ruining my life, woman... and the reply is "I don't want to. Eyor, sucks to meet you."... Replies get shorter and colder. and now you're not even worth my eye contact.... Move away from me civilians. Saved by the best friend, I can now act like no one else matters. well they didn't. Pull out the book. I'm in my own world. Wake up and i'm in my bed. too faded to answer my mom when she speaks. I'm spent. onward into the city I'll go. to be alone. hoping demi will find me with her words and save me with her Scrapskyer. and I'll probably be a mess leaking all types of body fluids out my face. and I'll snap back to reality and remember nobody will be there to share a moment like this. "coraline, theme music will play, alone" to be exact... ugh...
  
       I slip in and out of anger when I think about her. or when i think about how I reached out to her. I'm such an idiot. I'm pursuing her why? I'm YET AGAIN putting myself out there WHY? I'm thinking about how she's feeling more than I care about myself... WHY? you zdumb Biatch! I can be so fuuuckin stupid! no its okay go keep setting yourself up for failure, no its cool, i'll wait. when I go back to dealing with this beautiful head case I call... "Myself". You're the biggest idiot. yea I know kinda can't really help it. This is soo dumb.
       "I hope you're happy, now that you're choosing this, I hope it brings you bliss, I really hope you get it, and you don't live to regret it! I hope you're happy in the end! I hope you're happy... my. "freind" "-wicked

Songs:
Everybody But me- Lykke Li
Alone- Coraline Soundtrack
Myself- Linkin Park
Krwlng-Linkin Park
Back to Black- Amy Winehouse
Defying Gravity- Wicked Soundtrack


eLLe*