F*ck if I know

I've been trying to figure out what I'm gonna write next. when I get an idea it's usually when i'm no where near a computer then by the time I get home its like "wait what??! remix!".
     I need this holiday season to pass... look at her so cozy in my bed, of all the beds she chooses mine, gosh i love this cat!... i digress... anywhoo. yea I need this holiday season to pass. I'd really like to just disappear.  Reemerge for LA or never which ever...
       I just don't understand... I don't understand anything... I don't understand anything at all... just like, like um like ya know. uh. um uh shit, i don't know, yea? like huh?
       A long night of ness.  cafuffle and shit. The closer I get to not caring. The more I can't see me being here.


mood songs:
Det er forbi- Clara Sophie
humming- Portishead
med sma skridt- Mike sheridan
No one on earth- above and beyond

eLLe*

Mysterian

Hello december... 

        hello Mysterian. I know its a popular saying but our world just keeps getting smaller. Or maybe it's always been the same and I'm just becoming a venturer. I'm gonna call him Mysterian. He shot me with those eyes, those same eyes that shot me 3-4 months ago. I didn't expect it at all... I'm still stunned. The first time I met him I had decided that this will be left at the bar. He had me lost in all types of moments, I was spinning all types of Euphoria. But lets look at the situation and lets be real. that wasn't going anywhere. A good collision is a good collision, let's go our separate ways. I was stuck for days and after I came back down I figured well that's the end of that. I've often thought about it. I was even just mentioning him not too long ago... Seeing him again and all I can think is "those eyes". Even more piercing than I remembered. and a lot more sober. I dig the sober. Is it possible to have a conversation with someone and not speak? DUH!  This shit is just relatively new to me or more noticeable. I guess we were having a small convo but he was screaming something completely different. I heard it! I wanted to be back in that spot with him. And while it wasn't physical, there was something there. Gosh those eyes I wish you could see these eyes. and they were deep brown, and a very familiar smile both eyes and lips. and laugh lines! you know I work in cosmetics and so many clients try to get rid of laugh lines, they say they hate them, and to me that makes you that much more attractive, friendly, inviting and warm. It's endearing. Mysterian. Beating myself up all night wondering why I didn't bag... It can only mean I really just didn't want to subconsciously. Or I would have. He was so much more serious, I like serious. I like confidence. Must have been why I was drawn. But I must not have been all that drawn for him to have my number... Cool ya jets elle, Yes it's getting cold out and you are getting antsy, as everyone else is too, but don't jump as yet... I'm a bit of a jumper. But I've been better about pulling myself off the ledge cuz it's just not time, not yet. It's like when all areas of your life are visible and coherent, you push to fix that one blurred spot, cuz it just has to be complete. and I remind myself to "drive slow homie, cuz you never know homie". I've been doing the relationship thing for the last 5 years ish. and I'm already at the half way mark of a year. just keep swimming??? yea. sharks die when they stop swimming... thanks randomocity. anyway I'm probably gonna be in la la land for the next day. Mysterian. Maybe even write a song about it. Hell who knows maybe I'll run into him down the road again... But right now, love lock down. Anything having to do with it is not going to exist.     

And well I found new music. a beautifully pleasant surprise! keeps me at bay for now

Current songs:
Hailin' from the Edge- Apparat
The Very Last Resort- Trentemoller
... Even Though You're with another girl- Trentemoller
Take me into Your Skin- Trentemoller
Miss you- Trentemoller
Med Sma Skridt (med Maya Albana)- Mike Sheridan
Accelerator - Chromatics