So my show is today. My debut performance. and of course I'm at check out phase. I find it so hard to stay in the moment. My mind is on getting back to Boston and not being too tired for opening duties. and Trying not to fuck it up. It's also on how can I make this paper, I'm thinking of getting a second job. I'm also light weight looking at apartments. I'm thinking about how I'll get to barcelona. How will I continue to sing more. How can I continue to perform and be on stage. I'm over the go go dancing. I do because it's fun and its a way to perform but I'm over the club life, I don't have as much of a tolerance as I've had before. Instead of writing this blog I could be still rehearsing and making sure I have my bag packed for today but I am the queen of avoidance. Which will come back and smack me in the face if I don't nip it in the butt. I need my second wind. I'm so distracted by my solitude, that i'm pursuing happiness on the wrong path. Listen honey, love is not in your cards right now. we've created a blueprint and now we lay the foundation, it has to be a solid one. I guess I'm nervous because I don't have anything else set up for me as far as singing goes, although my job says I can perform there. and the search for a band continues. only this time its gotta be more blues and jazz. Gimme that soul. But I'm getting besides myself and that's where I go wrong. I need to be here now. I have to worry about what's in front of me right now, not what could be in front of me down the road. This show is whats now and I need to be prepared for that. You have to count every show like its your breaking moment, like there are officials in the audience and you're about to cut a deal. or think about it as you're already established either way people came to see a show and a show is what you will give them! PERIOD!
*eLyse
Current song (s): Whatever Lola Wants- Sara Vaughn
