"The waters"

    And as the day turned to night, I had put my full trust and confidence in you. Into the waters of uncertainty we marched. Nothing mattered as long as I was by your side. The water grew dark and anxious. I couldn't hold on to you anymore. Treading fiercely, going under surely, the water obstructed my view. You were drifting farther and farther away when the waves whisk me back to shore, slamming me against jagged rocks and cobble. Slipping, trying to gain my footing, emerging from the water and you slipped under, You were gone. As I looked around, noticing the others wading on rocking ground. They too held their hopes proud. And I broke down. letting out every shrill and sob that had ever belonged to me. My sobs grew deeper, screams louder, body weaker remembering the moments before. The moments we held each other in a warm, secure embrace and I literally saw myself in your eyes. In my giddy little school girl way, trying to hold in all my excitement for our journey together, rejoicing and singing praises of our unity. For I have never seen a man, so beautiful and so kind and truly feeling content. Curse me! I should not have been washed upon the sea. I didn't care about the waves I would have endured them because we were together. I wanted us. Angry that I know, something is telling me I can't have "us". Where ever he was going, wasn't for me.

     I through myself into hysterics so hard the convulsions woke me up. and I laid there with my eyes open thinking what the hell dream is that! I was exhausted, confused. I know when my dreams are rubbish, but this one is now the trilogy. I need help with this one. I seriously think I'm confronting issues that I've been evaluating for years and yet maybe I'm not and I'm missing it altogether. My mind is jumping to the worst things possible. I'm trying to calm myself down and think metaphorically, um I seriously need to breathe and calm down.

Fix it jesus!

ELyse

Current Song(s):

Farther Away- Evanescence
Lost In the World- Kanye West & Bon Iver

I'll be alright carry on :)

   I just woke up and I was over it. I went up to Boston for the new years. All these thoughts were racing in my head like what if I was presented with a huge job offering because of the gig I had up there and I moved back?! I even txtd the ex to wish her a happy new year... I dont really think I felt good about doing that. But as I woke up the next day just saying "okay" and in a good way. Like I had accepted the fact that Boston isn't my home. I no longer wanted to be offered a job at my old spot and it was all okay. I was good to keep all of that up in Boston. Good to close the door. I had had so much fun meeting new people and hanging out with old ones that whatever wish I had for me and JB settled itself. And whatever I felt about the one who shall not be named, disappeared. It was a moment and it totally passed. Everything, for this moment, just passed. And that is all I need right now is moment. A moment to get back on my feet, take a deep breath, make a list and continue trucking. It was a wonderful feeling to be able to find the answer myself. Listen to myself and love myself and not shame myself for caring and loving people that are not worthy or deserving of it. Sometimes it happens. And well it happens a lot. This too shall pass.

eLLe*

Current song(s):

Hanging on- Active Child