Years ago, " The one who shall not be named" brought up the fact that maybe she's "not a strong as me". Almost as if to say that I'm so hard and rigid maybe. Like I'm really "this is right and that's wrong" and that's the end of the story. Well over the years I've paid close attention to myself and my actions, others actions etc. Sometimes I'd come down on myself like why can';t you just play along? Why do you have to be such a buzz kill? Why can't I just join in all the reindeer games? My advice is so black and white, I can't really give you answers you want to here.That's dishonest. I come across as very cold and i'm not understanding. Thing is I do understand, But now, now I understand that we are all caught up in the reality show that we've created for ourselves. It's really fun to indulge in our problems and pretend that we don't see what's happening in front of us because in our minds we feel like everyone is watching intently to see what our next moves are. and Me? I'm the girl that tells you the truth. I'm the reminder that well, NOBODY GIVES A SHIT! and well we're all over it! stop playing damsel in distress, it was cute for about 5 minutes but we're over it. Hell I even have to do that to myself, I rain on my own parade. My point is, maybe I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. It's hard to have discipline but that's not a bad thing. You're not masochistic, you just chose to attempt to follow the same advice you'd give someone else. My thing is, you know what's right for you and you know whats not. Don't complain about something just to give yourself importance. and stop complaining about the shit you love to do and repeatedly do. It's annoying. What gets me is when people act as though they don't know how to fix a problem.granted some people don't. But majority do, they just want their cake, and everybody else's cake too and they want you to say it's okay.I really don't like to do that.
So where am I right now? I'm trying to decide if I like my level of strength. Is it too much? Am I not understanding enough? How much gray can I add before I start to feel like I'm compromising myself too much. Do I really want to compromise. or am I just complaining and being a damsel in distress? I think I already know my answer.
*Elyse
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