I've spoken about this before. But it's resurfaced.
Idk how or where to start. I can't bring it up to her but I feel betrayed. The Bi identity is not an easy one to live with. If i even fit that. I thought her love for me meant that she accepted me. But even still she doesn't and she never did. I always felt like I wasn't going to be good enough for her. That she would be happier with someone who was completely gay. She insisted that she couldn't be happier with anyone else but me. and after discussing this book... i know she doesn't get it. which means she doesn't get me. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm not gay enough. I don't fit the roles. My life hasn't been rough enough. my family didn't shun me. Like I had it too easy. and this is something I'm just trying out. I've never given someone all of me and to think that it wasn't good enough.
I don't know where I fit in, and I don't know where I belong. I hate feeling like I have to fucking prove myself to everyone. I'm not a heathen for seeing beauty in all sexes. I'm not greedy, i'm not glutenous! I'm just me. I thought she knew me. I thought she knew my heart!
She tells me "fuk em" until i call her out on it and tell her she was one of them and she said she still kind of is lol... there's nothing funny about it. There's nothing funny about any of it. What were we doing for two and a half years??? huh? I have best friends I didn't want another one. I don't even wanna know.
But once again I was right. and once again you've made a fool of me and not only of me but what I had to offer. I don't offer it to anyone.
God! please save me! I have no one to turn too.
myself- linkin Park
Loners Lullaby (Take me to sleep)- Elyse
Outside the middle- Elyse
eLLe*
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