And today I found myself reciting those words back to myself. "Push through". I found myself wanting her advice, wanting to talk to a friend. What did she have to say about this matter? And in response I said "push through". I got up and got moving. I called the agency and as I was ready to turn down their signing. They weren't ready to let me walk out. I'm rejoicing. And then Mind would go back to bell but I would tell myself. Push through! Shaq is sad about it. She doesn't want me to give up. She doesn't want me to say that's it I've had it. And whilst I don't want to I'm afraid I have no choice. I won't attend casies party, no matter how much I want to. It hurts to see someone and have them ignore you. Then I'll be crushed for a whole nother (haha) week. If God wants me to go then he'll do that. But I'm not strong enough. Like I am but I just, I can't. I'm exhausted and frankly to hurt for that sort of nonsense. Sooooo.... I'm excited to go home I have three days off! So I'm leaving Boston late Saturday to get there Sunday morning, hopefully see Alex. I'm getting anxious. I want her to be what I'm imagining her to be. After she got stern with me today I was like yes ma'am!!! I'm also afraid I will really like her and she's gonna be too far from me. But non the less I'm going to look at her as a friend. Because I know myself. I'll see her and be like um yea no. I haven't seen her since Ptown. So lets not jump the gun. Then a photoshoot and stiletto that evening. I'm totes excited I could spit!
I'll up date you on Alex. Hhaaaaa sooo much going on right now. So just Push through!
*Elysium
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