Gray.
The only way to describe how I've been feeling. Who knew that a communication major would have such a hard time at communicating. It comes and it goes. and I can't help but feel like I'd rather have it go. It's so uncomfortable. My blood races, hands clam up shortness of breath and I'd much rather walk away... Well you have to do it! no don't do it this way! you sound like this! he'll think that!... i'm damn confused. Speak up it's not that serious! open your mouth and form sound! NOOOOOOOO! If you feel like everything is slipping through your fingers now, just wait! cuz this right now is nothing. This is but a snowflake at the tip of an iceberg and not even the part that floats way below the surface. So what are you gonna do? I wanna walk away it's done deal. so then why haven't you yet? cuz you're so busy with yourself that the others slip through the cracks. Elyse fight for something. Fight for this INSANITY... Fight for this AUDITION... Fight for your JOB/CAREER... PROVE that you deserve this ITALY trip... Fight FOR yourself not WITH yourself... then maybe fighting for the people you want to have in your life will be a breeze. Okay so vulnerability(gosh i hate that word) is really a big task for you. but in the act of speaking up for yourself and believing in yourself as far as job and careers go and working out and Italy. that vulnerability(ugh) is a less scary concept. and you'll be able to understand when you want something, need something or when you DESERVE something.
This weekend you have an audition, and wednesday you have a recital. Both dealing with singing. you better sing with that voice God gave you! When you sing Rolling in the deep you better sing with every frustration, emotion, depth, elegance and grace that you possess, so that you can't say you didn't give it all you got.... and when that recital comes you better sing as if you are singing in front of the greats! like you are in florence and you own it! " The time has come for you to lip sync, for your life"... only no lip syncing but real singing.
As far as INSANITY goes. it's only gonna get harder. and you've started to see improvements especially in your back, but you're coasting. DIG DEEPER! FOCUS! take all that anger to drive yourself to that goal, scream if you have to but you better WERK!!
as far as people go. you've always had a strong intuition as to whether a person should breathe your air or not. so if a persons on your mind this much, not even in a sexual way, but somebody you truly enjoy then go with it... But maybe revisit it when you're feeling more like yourself.
(my "coaching session")
I feel another song coming on!!
*eLLe
current song(s):
Titanium- David Guetta feat Sia
No Beef- Afrojack and Steve aoki
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