Clarity

              I wasn't quite sure that I knew exactly how to feel after I sent her the email. Immediately I felt a sigh of relief. I felt like an air that was all so welcoming. There was a hint of stress but well not too much. I was kind of worrying if I was gonna be kicking myself in the ass for it later. But the first thing that came back to me was "HER" the Her I'd spoke about before. I don't know but she somehow rushed my head and I paused and I thought for a second "man I wish I could get back to her"... anyway Stilettos always brings me good news *knock on wood*. I went home that night and surprisingly not in tears, not overwhelmed, not locked in my dungeon like mind. I went to sleep. Now I'm all about dreams especially if they're reoccurring or none like it before. There was symbolism after symbolism and I just needed to do my research. I found myself cuddling with HER in my dreams in the portion of my dream where snow took to the sky like a plague of locust. Everyone was dressed in winter gear freezing except me. and so I pick up some of the snow that had fallen but all I could think was snow in the middle of June, and it's not even cold to the touch it's like not normal snow. In that point of the dream I'm like taking mental notes of it all. But I was with HER on the couch with a family I don't know who's family it was but they weren't related to me. We then ended at a pool party, the water was crystal clear. we all bordered on "walking on it". we played in the water and walked on it. I remember looking at HER laughing and having a good time that I left in a hurry. driving the car... I thought to myself "but you're happy why would you leave." I instantly pulled a "U'ie" to make it back to the party it started pouring and I was still driving the car from the driver seat and not the back seat as I usually do in my dreams. I wanna say there was a jack rabbit in there too or some shit but Idk. I looked it up though. all the symbolism that showed up in my dream all related to one another it all lined up. the snow falling being inner peace and tranquility it also meant the need for me to lose my inhibitions, that there was a need for me to express my emotions. and I completely agreed. but all in all there was a peace that would come. same thing with the rain it symbolized clarity but also my goals and ideas finally coming to head. and the fact that I drove the car not from the back seat means I'm ambitious and taking control of my life. everything about that dream was good. it was great. I felt so at peace. I don't even know if that's the correct way of saying it but I did. It's scary but it's happening and I feel it. I know it. The way I think about certain situations the way I act on situations, things seem more clear. They aren't completely clear but they are a lot more then they've ever been. My best friend thinks I should start dating again. I agree with her reasoning. Idk I just don't really feel like it, dating can lead to nowhere or somewhere and I'm really enjoying myself in all aspects of the word. Let's get that Career going ay?! I mean really though, I'm just counting down the days. I've never been away from home like this... Mommy wow, I'm a big kid now :)

I'm gonna do this and in the words of Latrice Royale, I'm going to make them eat it! Werk!

eLLe*

Current song:

Mercy- Kanye West & friends ;-}