It's that moment, a rude awakening. Some call it negative, pessimistic, realist, devils advocator etc. I don't know what I would call it, maybe just my thoughts? I can't be disney ALL the time. Man I'm killing moods left and right. They say if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all... Why is that? We're raised on "be honest" and then you're honest and it's wrong, that's not "appropriate" when is it ever appropriate, I mean really, let's think about this... ORRR Possibly because you just come off like a hater. That's probably it. "Just play along, let them have their moment, don't be a selfish bitter bitch." Yet somehow, today, these thought bubbles form into words and these words pour out "involuntarily". I may or may not need to work on my filter. So if I can't say it, can I use the side eye instead?
I guess I'm feeling really controversial. Like I wanna debate, I wanna ruffle feathers make people uncomfortable. I have these thoughts who can I share them with? not the people around me that's for damn sure. I know how I should feel about Veterans Day today but leave it to me to feel opposite. Leave it to me to go into structural injustices of America. Leave it to me to not want to play along in reindeer games. A woman made a comment about catholics today and I side eyed her so hard... I tried so hard not to be condescending. Like how arrogant am I that I need to try to shatter people and their beliefs. as she proceeded to tell me that catholics love everybody... (i'm just going to sip my tea) That's great in theory but um humans are involved so that's just not true. And as I've gone to many a catholic churches and other churches I can honestly say that sorry you're inaccurate. But again, who the hell am I to go around bursting bubbles. Today really is not the day for me to have an opinion. Cuz I've got too much opinion that often rubs people the wrong way and maybe it's because I feel the need to express them. For the record I did not say anything to the woman about her catholic love. I just side eyed her. and minded my business as she was not talking to me. I digress
Here's the thing. I apologize for it, because my opinions makes people uncomfortable. Like why can't your opinions be just as pretty as you are? WHY do they have to be? Why do I have to exist in a way that makes people more comfortable. Maybe sometimes I'm really controversial, and then maybe sometimes I'm really not and I could give two shits. Either way it's me, I shouldn't apologize for it, just maybe surround myself with people that will allow for a POV session and get it out. Idk I think today is just not my day for spreading the love and uplifting word.
I'm just praying that no one else approaches me with more thought provoking concepts because I just can't. I'm trying to curb my enthusiasm and I'm slightly failing. Just a Smidgen I need some sleep.
Elle
Current Song(s):
Flume- Insane
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