Full of shit!

     I think promises are SHIT!! People have gotten crafty and no longer use the word "promise" but a promise is formulated by "concrete" phrases like "I will", or "no matter what" etc. And then we like to reference the future or some sort of vague time frame like always or forever etc. As if we're philosophizers or some shit and it grinds my gears. We feel so strongly in the moment and start lobbying our love and content for one another that we just go saying the shit we think people want to hear. But there's more damage done that way and now you're trying to do damage control by saying I meant it then. Hmmm. Maybe promises aren't shit...maybe, people are full of shit. Things change, so I'm told. And me being queen of fickle, I should know. How you feel one moment may not be how you feel the next. Or maybe it is and people, again are so full of shit, tell you one thing and intend to do the other.  But I also don't go making promises to someone knowing how shifty I can be.  I feel very jumbled and turned about in my head right now. I hate relational promises " I love you always" " I will always love you" "I will always be there for you" "best friends forever" "...Through thick and thin" "nothing will come between us". "I'm not going anywhere, I will spend the rest of my life showing you..." Those phrases strike a nerve with me. Maybe because I hold people to their words. And then they usually negate them by saying "times changed" or again "I meant that then". But before you told me you meant that forever?!
       I don't like being left. So I won't even let you in. You'll look at me as the Girl from Ipanema. But keep it the fuck moving you can't handle this. And I think people start lying to themselves so they make promises to me trying to persuade me when they're really trying to persuade themselves. And that's why I don't like promises my two most bestest friends have never made promises to me and they never will because they know shit happens so don't go putting your foot in your mouth.
      Quick off topic yet relative to the message example: at my job we don't quote wait times. The second you quote a wait time is the second people start to hold you to it. And if a table is not ready in 15mins or a half hour they will be in your face about it because essentially you lied. And I totally get this transaction. Because now I feel stupid as Kanye would say "waiting on a dream that will never come true". And there I am a 25 year old feeling like that 8 year old on ferris ave waiting with her sisters for her father that never showed. That's that shit I don't like. Just don't say shit. Don't talk about it be about it. Forever is a mighty long time. Then I have to have these "interventions" with my friends as they try to deprogram my way of thinking. If I hear one more damn time  "things change.." " things change " " THINGS CHANGE" I'm gonna lose it!!! In these cases things don't change and neither do the people. Things don't change, they never were. And that's why people are full of shit! You make promises hoping it gains peoples trust and faith in you and then act like oh idk why you're so stuck on what I said that was then and this is now. I changed my mind. No you only say shit like that because things are great  and you're hoping you never have to experience the negative because you're word should be enough. So when it comes time to really show what matters  it's like fuck it! If they couldn't tell that I meant I was loyal and that I'm ride or die all day every day.  Then I'm not gonna try. I'm out.  And then start walking around with their chest pumped up like these bitches don't know how I am, I'm mad loyal they don't know shit.  Ummmm but what are your actions showing though! Okay. I think it's okay to say I love you or I got your back or you're like my sister. But all that extra shit like forever always til the end of time. The only one I want (especially when you have no lived long enough to know what's out there) is a show and now you're just playing house. You're playing a role of something you saw when you were younger and you think it's right.
    I don't know what it is about this day in age but there is no authenticity. (As if to assume I was alive for many generations ha so I could be completely wrong) but from stories of my grandparents era it seemed like when people wanted something they worked for it. I want your trust, your friendship or hand in marriage. It was something you had to work for. People were concerned about their family name and making sure you did not destroy all the foundation that they have built. Maybe I'm completely wrong. But words like loyalty and respect just seem to be an idea and not a reality. Or it's like I'm loyal until... Or we're friends until...  It's like we're all politicians in our own right. We all give these speeches and decrees that disclose "who we are" because it sounds good, we'd all like to believe that we are the realest of the real and it is our responsibility to expose all that is unjust and fake. We are the "divinity". But we wont put the work and it goes out the window.  Words are easier to say. So we throw them around yet they are the hardest to swollow. I hope  guys carry  salt or hot sauce.

*Elyse

Current Song (s):