My mind continues to roam desperately through these abandoned buildings I call memories looking for my heart at least I told myself it was my heart. Hoping to stumble on hers. There in the gallows. A history so battered, that to even try to remember the good would add you to the souls that haunt it. My remains dug up by a girl who cares. Nursed to life with her love and her life, she wants to save me. And when I say I love you and I'm sorry for abandoning you for a dream. We both knew that wasn't entirely true. I love you is enough for her. But I can't look her in the eye. Not without looking back. Not without wondering if anyone secretly felt the same way. I can't love her because another does not love me. I wonder to the river mindlessly hoping to drink from something that once gave me life. It's not my river. She waits patiently hoping I see all the things in me she sees.
I can save myself but why won't I take her hand. I hurt her. She's patient. She tries to save me from the gallows and she watches me fall back into torment. I must be a masochistic. I need to trust her. She's never failed me. I've known her 26 yrs she's never failed me. In fact, she's one of a kind. And like everyone else I throw her. I fight with her. Silence her. She's still here. What will it take for me to say you're right. This one time I didn't want her to be right. I guess I'm greedy. And I don't understand.
I heard a lyric that put me to tears and shook me something fierce " you don't have to give up, to let go" and as I ride shot gun with the view of Boston, it appeared and it went as if I should float out of my skin. I feel so restricted. Don't go there elle, she says. Stay on this path. Stay with me. I know I will NEVER leave you. I'm you, and you're me. But I'll wait until you're ready... Elysium.
*Elysium
Current song(s):
Kaskade- I remember
Bachelorette- Bjork
Letting go- Isaac Shepard
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