Lord, give me strength...

      And as I got off the phone, all I could think was "lord give me strength..." I don't think I need patience I was rather patient. But there I am again feeling fucked. And I really don't want him in my life. I don't want to care for him and his existence anymore. Talk about bitch don't kill my vibe... He really likes to ruin the hell out of shit. This is why I don't like to know things. Can I go back to the age where my mom did everything to keep his dirt away from me? Because now I'm at that age where  he includes us in his nonsense. I don't feel strong enough to go through this. I'm not sure if I ever will,  I sure hope I do. Like this whole time I really thought he knew better than to come to me with that nonsense. Well he tried and I tried to shut it down. I'm up here like wait time out do I need to block his number? I just might. He gets under my skin. Rather foolish of me to put so much faith in people. He's such a lost cause. I don't want him in my life. Clearly I don't know how to handle it. And I shouldn't have teach myself how to brace my feelings whenever I hear all the tom foolery.
 I love being a person who cares. I can honestly say that I care for a lot of people. And when I care for a person it's soo hard. But some people don't deserve it.
     Fuck now here's where I get confused, Because now I'm thinking. That's all people need is for somebody to truly and genuinely care about them. Everyone wants somebody to care. To know that in this world they matter to someone, so we can't turn our backs and neglect, but there are people so damn damaged that it's like a sickness to hurt the ones they love. They start to see things one dimensionally. It's about "me" and what can this world give me. And well, everyone has that air to them,it's our drive, but when you're fucked in the head it crosses that line. You don't see anybody but yourself, lies you've repeated in your head start to sound like the truth and every action is some form of manipulation... I'm a fucking sucker. I'd like to say I was done with this but I'm most likely not. :-(


*Elyse

Current song (s):

Over- Portishead
Machine Gun- Portishead
Hunter- Portishead
Magic Doors- Portishead