I'm literally feeling a bunch of things all at once. Leave it to me to attract a fucking Scorpio. What caught me is that she resembles Ly. Then as we got to talking, she said " I get what I want..." And I froze and said what is your sign, at that point I already knew, she's like what do you think and I'm like "what is your sign?!" She says Scorpio and I just shut down. Scorpio flocks to me like it's nobody's business. I met her again tonight. I'm so damn confused. Because after I met her we've been texting and I went home excited, and then reality set in and I was over it. I wanted no part in that transaction. For some reason I still hold out for November. Wondering what's gonna happen with Ly. I always seem to put everyone second for her. This girl resembles her, why not be with the real thing. Well it's her lameness that I question. So what if November 9th comes and there she is. I know we'll spark. We have that about us. But I can't keep lying to myself... Anyway, A Scorpio? I need that intensity but I'm scared as fuck. And at this moment, I'm confused. What is dating? what is a relationship? I don't know what I have left to give. I make her nervous. I'm like dude relax. I don't make people nervous I'm just elyse like it's really nothing. I wanted her and now I don't want her. But then I see her again tonight and I'm like idk what to think. I want to scream and shout. Bleeding from my eyes I'm paralyzed! I'm stuck. I don't want a relationship. I like the idea but I don't. Or do I.
I've never belonged to anyone. I guess I kinda want to belong to someone. I want someone to want all of me. Good/bad. Beautiful/ ugly. Hot/ cold. Every thing! Idk what a relationship is idk what's a good one. Are we talking? Are we not? I thought she wasn't interested but she just kept saying I make her nervous. I see myself with her in a way that says I don't. Another Scorpio. She doesn't seem anything like lord voldemort yet there are small links. And the small links mess me up more. (Fell asleep writing this! Good mourning). I just don't know what I want. So I ask for everything.... In albany I remember turning to tiff, at work after seeing my students dad, and saying I want to date a 40+ 50 man. Just once just to say I did it... Well there he is a Belgian cyclist, kinda really good looking and I'm like nope. Well more like "maybe, I doubt it, uh idk"... Anyway. I guess my being on the fence Is good cuz I'll slow it down. I got the thumbs up from my friends. And naturally from hers. Gay men love me it's not fair to go off of, Wait yes it is!
Would I be crazy if I said I'm over it. Like I just thought about it. :-x I'm like the little kid from the incredibles.
Dad: Hey kid! What are you waiting for?
Kid: I dunno, something amazing I guess.
Elle? You're ridiculous...
*Elyse
Current Song(s):
Calling your name- Anomaly
Clarity- Zedd
No comments:
Post a Comment