Wrecking ball.

       I should be sleep right now but there's just so much on my mind. And truthfully, I've been slightly confused. This too shall pass. By golly gosh George, it had better! Because at this point there's not much left to say. And well there is something to be said. Those words go in vain. And let us all be honest. They all ready did. Shiiiiiiiittttttttt. Leave it to a libra to feel every possible moment all at one time. Fcuk that, not only do we feel everything all at once but we feel everything other people feel as well. It's system over load.
     This is most likely a passing moment. So I'll be sad and confused and insist upon a message that may or may not exist. I must tell myself that there was no secret message and carry on. My gut feelings have hardly been wrong. Especially when it's something bad, and my system wont let up. It needs to. It needs to quick.  Because even if my gut is right, like I said, it's a dead end.
     And as I spoke with trendy, she let me know I was not alone. We're a strong bread of women, we're intimidating, yes, but that doesn't mean that there isn't anybody out there for us. Hamme1 said the same thing earlier today. It's just time to set our sights higher. Maybe I'm afraid of what I'll find. You know I'll never be famous. Why? Because I can't " come in like a wrecking ball" and then start apologizing for it. I wreck it! Consciously and subconsciously. I wreck shit. I come in and I fuck shit up! I was born to be that way. But my "insecurities" have me feeling bad for shit because others aren't comfortable. THATS NOT MY PROBLEM. You don't like my tutus? Too bad. Or my wigs? Too bad! Or the fact that I'm a gogo dancer or I dance on bars and stages when I go out? That's too damn bad! And yet I apologize for my being? I know how to be other things because honestly I am all of it. But I'm not just one thing. That's sooo boring. I'm like a one woman show.
      All these words to convince myself that I'm worthy of love. Sometimes I feel like I'm a dream. I'm not tangible to folks. I really should not be knocking it, it's what I've wanted. I mean I couldn't help but feel like I wanted to cry when I was with trendy. Yes I'm a cryer! I cry at everything. Mainly pure happiness. But there are things bursting inside. My new blonde hair I feel even more supernatural. Like you can't touch me. I feel spicey! Like I'm in your face! What now?!! Come at me bro! I'm recieving great energy. Boston is molding me. I guess in the moldingization I'm so overtaken that I'd really like to put my arms around someone, cuz I Just realized my feet were off the ground as I looked down, and in effort to not panic there you are so I hold tight and you say... Can I keep you??? And then shit gets mad real. My family really is all I have right now. Which is fine. Smoke screens gone. I am but a dream. And to her a mere ghost. It's all real. If you believe in those things. And even if you do, it's all in your mind. I need to be okay with that. I have to be okay with that. It's already transpiring. Wait I'm buggin' I need to take myself to sleep!



*Elyse

Current Song (s):

Wrecking Ball- Miley Cyrus