I'm slowly coming down off this high. My birthday was amazing! Everything felt great. I didn't turn off any of social media pages. I just let the good times roll, I'm worth it. I deserve it. Everything worked out and everytime I could see myself getting tense or upset I didn't. I pushed through. Omg for the first time in a long time I couldn't step in that hallway at my grandmas house. It shook me. They're watching me and they're here. And they wanted me to have an amazing birthday and I did. Peach thinks it's because it's libra season but you know what? it's always libra season. Haha, I'm coming down and it's not a crash. It's like the scene of willy wonka and the chocolate factory where they stole fizzy lifting drinks .... Burping was there way to come down. But they came down slowly and safely. Yea all that!
I think the sleep had everything to do with it. Sleep is my saving grace. Idk why but it reminds me of Coraline. When she starts to see the other side. Hahaha. After this run on Saturday. I can coast. And relax. My head is everywhere, all over the place, whilst I'm thankful for every up and down that transpires and Boston really being my home. I still need to stay true to every emotion that I feel, pour out a liquor for the homies and then carry on.
Right now the dust is settling and it's still a little hazy but I know it's settling. A while ago I wrote a blog called "in a perfect world..." Which still is like my favorite blog, but with that blog in mind there is a level of disappointment that follows. I can truly say that she is just a disappointment. Either way you look at it, it's disappointing. I hate investing my time only for it go in vain and wasted. I wish you can insure time. This lingering sullen feeling just leaves such a mark. More than any blade could leave. Yet I know that this feeing only occurs because of me. No one is doing any of this but me. I can't control things happening to me. And they will happen. But I can have an active hand in how long I choose to let things affect me or how I can channel this whole thing. And then songs like wrecking ball and clarity play and I have pure legit moments with strangers that just give me so much life but speake sooo much truth. And there I am feeling. Disappointment is the most prevelant. It's beyond words. But her fucked up head isn't your problem elyse! And you'd think you'd see that after all the love and positivity you've received since her. I know you want her on your journey and every great moment you experienced and will experience you want her present. But she doesn't want to be present. And you can't make her. In the words of Lauren Conrad "she's a sucky person!" She's madonna's song... FROZEN. She's shown her ass more times than a little bit. Let her go. She ain't shit. And shes not your problem. You're not hers, you've died a long time ago. Yes you've seen that side that not many if any have seen you were damn near conjoined at the hips, but you're not the one, you're not neo, and even if you were she'd fight that truth til her death. Why would you want to be with a person like that. One who says things like... Nope not going there. Her words are shit, she's left negative debris in your energy. You need to clean that shit out, You're fine and you know it. Remember let go... Let God...
*Elyse
Current Song (s):
Wrecking Ball: Miley Cyrus
Humming- Portishead
Hayling- FC kahuna
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