(Sigh) I'm feeling the itch again. Didn't you just move to Boston?... Yes. And you want to move again? ...Yes. I think the longer I stay in one place the more suseptable I am to settling down. To settle down is to settle period. I don't want to settle. My purpose on this earth is not to be in a relationship, I just know it. I'm meant to spread beauty, show people their true inner most capabilities. Rattle peoples feathers by holding a mirror up to them. It's frightening to come face to face with your fears in a way that's beautiful, it's death defying boarder line suicide. I don't want to be saught after. Well I do and it's rather nice. But I also don't want to get caught up. And I unfortunately that started to happen. Yeaup I'm gonna cut that shit out quick. Idk why I was so put off, But I was, I completely lost my appetite. I was that "red head" I met a long time ago. The only difference is I forced myself to look at this chick and they're not together it was his ex, anyway the more I did the further my appetite was, I felt myself go on lockdown. It solidified, yet again, what I was knowing all along. She couldn't look me in the eye because she laid feelings within ex. And she couldn't acknowledge my presence because she didn't care for my presence. Real shit. And tonight, whilst I'm just a friend, I didn't care for his exes presence whether they're just hooking up for shits and giggles or not. I did feel some type of way. And that's not right. So we're gonna go ahead and not entertain that idea. You can love me all you want but I want nothing to do with feelings. And the longer I stay somewhere the weaker my stand is on being in a relationship. I need to keep going, keep moving. No new friends. Keep my eye on me and the takingoverization. I also don't really care too much for my "hype": please stop confessing your love for me. Seriously leave me alone cuz you're doing my friend and you think I don't know. I'm not laughing with you I'm laughing at you. Because now I feel like twisting the knife. So if you like me, do yourself a favor and keep your mouth shut.
Idk I'm in a solo mindset right now. Today I seriously contemplating quitting my job. Not because I don't like it but because I want to keep moving, I want to travel, I want to go to Barcelona I wanna be somewhere else. I'm young I want to live while I'm young so I know how when I'm older. I don't want to be involved in triangles and cliques. I don't want to fall for anyone. I don't want to entertain any of those thoughts, they lead me nowhere. I get distracted and it sets me back. Career comes first, not a relationship, not a family not children! Luckily my wall isn't shattered much. I rebuild and keep it moving. I'm not interested. Stay focused elle, for real.
I guess I'm just disappointed maybe it's nieve of me to always believe in what people say to me. But I have to remember they're just words and people use them as weapons because clearly they're actions say something opposite. Maybe I'll try to look at it like "the I girl I want I can't have, so I'll settle for basic and or easy..." That's one way to look at it. Ha
I dunno whatever
*ELyse
Current song(s):
Sweet Nothing- Calvin Harris feat Florence
Fly- Hilary duff
No Good Deed- Wicked soundtrack
I'm not that Girl- Wicked
Secret Door- Evanescence
Street lights- Kanye west
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