Tonight I gave my name and number to a cop. But it wasn't for dinner and drinks. Deep in thought as I left stiletto. Trying to figure out the range of emotion the music left me in. And I stop because a girl is topless with no shoes asking for help. She's on this girls phone, who I assumed to be her friend. Of course I imediately think "ugh drunk white girls" but I also noticed the man I saw with OD plumbers crack no charging at her aggressively trying to force her in the house. So I stopped and realized she's trying to get away. And the girl she was with was not her friend but a passer by. A bunch of us stepped in. Until the cops came. We stayed for a few. And honestly I have no idea what I feel about it. Completely confused. I was apart of a group called STARs Students Terminating Abusive Relationships. And the one thing I knew, was that this probably isn't over. I'm looking at his face as he's in handcuffs and her hysterical. And I'm thinking, she'll go back to him. I couldn't help but wonder if we made it better or worse. But she needed help and I couldn't look away. Diva gave the girl her sweater but was also like talking to the guy inside the building. Was this a routine? Was she crying wolf? I don't care not on my watch. I'm not taking chances. It is a sticky situation. And he'll know where to find her when they release him. I pray for their shenanigans to end.
I trailed so far behind diva and butter. I just needed to think, to feel. I wanted to continue dancing. Sometimes I just need to dance things through. There's a song that I bought its been on repeat so hard. And it's stuck in my head. I'm thinking I need to rent studio space and just go HAM. I'm so tired of thinking. I'm really tired of talking. This morning jaff is like do you always look like you're deep in thought. And I'm like shit! But I really always am. I'm "always" checked out. I think I came off like I was interested. But I was just in my head trying to see if I could create a life for us and I didn't see it. And again it's not cuz I'm not interested, but yet again I go for the girl that lives no where near me. But she's hella adorable. I'm totally her type. And I completely shut the door. There's no use in getting excited about it. I think my guard was way up today. It showed. But I was so excited to see her that when I finally did I was like stone.
I just feel like for right now it's not in my cards, there's so much that needs to get accomplished right now. Pretty much ain't nobody got time for that. But in turn you do wish you had someone to go to bed with at night. And right now it just seems like everyone is just out doing each other and I'm not about that life. It's sloppy and unoriginal and uninspiring. So I've been closing doors. And some I don't even bother to answer. Ugh I have more to write but I can't keep my eyes open, which I'm glad that this time I'm in my bed and not behind the wheel.
Til next time
*elyse
Current song(s):
Sail- awolnation
Radioactive- imagine dragons
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