You ever drink alcohol and then have that nasty lingering taste in your mouth for the rest of the night, so now you're talking to people with stale breath. Like the drink was soo satsifying but the breath just ruins it. And the only way to get rid of it is to thuroughly brush your teeth rinse your mouth out and maybe eat something? Or you know when you eat food you shouldn't be, greasy and heavy crunchy saucy goodness, tastes good for a moment and then like after you eat it you're sluggish, and feeling groggy and just down right lazy and that lingers until you have to shit. I have that feeling currently but like I didn't drink or eat anything too heavy. I just feel a negativity hanging over me. I really just like need a cleansing. I just have such a nasty taste in my mouth. I went through my computer and like just cleared everything. A lot of deletion transpired. And it kinda felt good it was kind of really good. But I know there's a lot more that needs to be deleted. When I get my new computer I don't want any of that shit on there. I went and bonded with my sister over a workout at the damn. With my fresh sneakers! I hit so many personal goals. I know it's small but I held a plank for a minute. Twice! I did insanity crunches AND I sang whilst I ran. Which is so challenging, not only did I sing but I sang demi lovato's unbroken and my breath was pretty solid and consistent. These pole classes are really paying off. And I'm really happy about it. Between bonding with my mom and working out with my sisters and then feeling this horrible nagging feeling about something. It's probably he who shall not be named. But I really just want to detox. And as I drop butter off at the train station I drive home pensive. Txting my friends and loved ones with reminders of how much I truly love them. Because I just don't say it often. I get out of the car and there it is ORION'S belt.
There's always been a strong connection with me and Orion's belt. It's from MIB. There's always a scene that recite everytime. In fact because of this scene my stepdad thought I should go into acting once he saw me do this whole scene. But it's the scene where the alien in the guys face was telling will smith where the galaxy is. It is my FAVORITE scene! But for the longest time I didn't know that onions belt was in the constellation or is one idk how to say that correctly. I became so obsessed with it, what it looked like etc. and once I found it I never lost it again. I wasn't good at finding the dipper and etc. so once I did I always got all fuzzy inside. And then sitting under the stars trying to name them just became my thing. It reminded me of sitting outside with my mom during the blackout. Or in 7th grade sleeping over my BFFs house and we'd go to pathmark's parking lot lay under the stars. They just do shit for my soul and it never left me. Clearly because tonight and last night I look out and imediately Orion finds me. My moms garden reminds me of like this whole other world. And to look up at the stars and the moon. Takes me to a place so familiar and warm inside. I wish I was happy when I saw it. Instead I just thought of Ly.
That girl drives me nuts. I always say I'm so done with her but she comes back and I can't stay mad at her. I even asked my sister what does this all mean, they're both gemini's. she made a quick re-entrance back in my life and as quick as she's there she's gone again. I don't like when she leaves but yet some how I'm there when she returns. Even when I don't want to be. We're just so on when we are. I hear her voice and I feel calm again. Or course she's a Gemini, usually gemini's capture me in a way that says I will put up with your shit, even when I tell you I won't. They make me feel relaxed and myself. It never fails. But when we're not talking its sooooo frustrating. All the times Ly got on my nerves I couldn't stay mad she's just too... Her. She gives me word vomit. I express myself, and then it scares her. Ugh. It's frustrating because I know I scare her. I'm not that average girl and it freaks her out. I'd really like to talk to her. But I'm so fickle I just need to wait until November. If she's not with anyone and I'm not expecting to be, I'll see what happens. She pulls the rug from under me. It was so great to know that while I danced on Ptown and even in NYC, but mainly Ptown, that I could dance and these girls would be in awe with me but that I had someone to go to at night. She doesn't know it but i still have the roses she sent me, and the letter she left me while I was sleep and
she went to work. I wish we could get that together. But I doubt that so I'll just put that out of my mind for now or forever. I miss her so much. We drive each other mad.
*Elyse
Current song(s):
Sail- awolnation
A beautiful mess- Jason Mraz
No comments:
Post a Comment