Haunted

     I'm fcuking haunted right now. I'm so restless, anxious and where I know I showed be sleep right now I'm not. When there are different messages strown about in my head, I have a hard time listening to all of them. No that's not true I hear ALL of them and that's the "problem". I'm not dumb I can't ignore the warning signs. But I will try to insinuate her into my life. Stop. I wanna renig on my decision. In fact the harder I protest against something the bigger an advocate I become. I'm a walking contradiction, hypocrite. What I hate I love, what I give life to I kill. I talk myself in circles. If I look on paper she's not perfect. But she meets all the criteria. It must be because it's winter. Cause If it were summer I'm sure I'd be like swerve! I'd just really love for my brain to shut off. Oh wait it did and that's what got me here. No that's not true. Maybe I like torture. In the long run, I like what I have to work for. Easy is nice and flattering. I'll always take it. I mean really everyone would take it. But something that makes me sit and actually form a blueprint, Gets my attention. It's a greater reward.
    My old habits are in a war with new ideas. And I hate getting in the way. Lol nope that sound crazy at all. I mean I have to step in at some point. Which is what I thought I did earlier. But my mood changed haha. I may not have ever wanted to make that... Oh what the shit elle. You pulled the trigger. That just happened. Get new victim to torture. You'll be leaving soon anyway and you'll find a new soul to torture. This is your life. Sit down. Carry on the wayward sun...

Elle*

Current song (s):

The boxer- Simon and Garfunkle