I just need to know

     I feel like I'm crazy when I talk to people about this. They find a way to tell me I'm wrong but it nags me. Am I though, am I? I'm trying to pay close attention to what they're telling me or showing me but there was so much. It's like in school when you're doing word problems and the teachers are all "here is this long paragraph of info, now pick out the important stuff..." Bitch I was NEVER good at it! And now I'm being tested and I'm confused. Maybe these dreams are nothing and I just have an active imagination, that's probably it. I don't want that to be it though! Because its all too real. Maybe I solved that puzzle when I called LuceC and I was meant to talk to her. I called Ly to check up on her and she's fine. I couldn't bring myself to tell her when she asked. I just can't. Anyway it crosses my mind to go to a psychic but I don't trust it anymore. I feel like they're con artist. Not all of my dreams are loaded, in fact, I've gotten so much better at being able to tell when I'm just being dramatic and when it's really something. I just really need to know! I went to a tarot card reading before and they lady told me that the spirits don't give you more than you can handle. So you know what maybe I really can't handle it. Shits not always good. And am I really strong enough to handle that. Sometimes I do feel that way. But if shit got real I would really like to know that I can trust someone with what I'm telling them. Sure I have peach and she listens but she doesn't know what the solution is. Bell was the only person that didn't freak out. Because she goes through it. And in knowing that she does it helps me. Because she doesn't think I'm crazy or being dramatic. I've been discovering my physical stregnth lately and feeling mighty powerful, feeling like I'm here for a greater purpose. So when dreams like these come along I always want to pay attention, God's trying to tell me something I really don't want to miss it. I can be so oblivious to shit, or even worse scared of it. It's like I'm scared of my potential because I do second guess my abilities. I feel like I'm doing these trust activities in highschool. Except now no one is here, I have to rely on myself to carry me. Trust my instincts and trust myself to catch me. Stop running my mouth and listen to what I'm saying.  I'm smarter than I give myself credit for and I'm stronger than I think. God built me in a way that even if I appear broken I'm not. Whether I like it or not, he built me to fight, and I push that thought away most times because it feels like most times I'm fighting with the wrong person or thing. But I am a fighter and I can't be crazy on this one. I really really can't be. But what I can be is patient. It sure would be nice to find comfort in all of this.
My active imagination leads me nowhere. I need a hug.

*ELyse