Well I, yet again feel absolutely foolish. How stupid can I be. Seriously, dumbass what am I holding on to. Friday night it all dawns on me. " Bitch she's not coming back, let it go, she's dead." But she's very much so alive. And I'm very much so dillusional. I could cry. Nope I'm past that. My skin itches. And I'm trying so hard to be good. If I can feel pain that I can comprehend I can smile the next day. I'm just an idiot and I look stupid. So I'm gonna force myself to do insanity. Because of course to top it off I feel fat and ugly. Ptown is coming up and I feel pressure. I have to be perfect I have to look perfect. I have to be amazing. And when I don't, I feel useless, worthless. I have to be amazing all day everyday. But lets be honest. I'm not. And now I have this competition well two competitions this week. Makeup thursday and Wednesday singing. Guitar lessons and working Friday night. There really isn't time for me to be throwing myself a pitty party. Aint nobody got time for that! But once this week subsides and it does back to normal. I'm afraid my mind will catch up with me. And there she'll be haunting me, mocking me throwing everything in my face! And who will be there? Nobody. Mainly because I don't want anyone to talk to. I scare myself I don't want to scare anymore people. Cuz apparently that's just what I do. I'm way too much of strong personality. People think they can handle it but they can't. And I'm left feeling alone and hollowed. Well I'm glad one of us is happy.
And there goes that itch again...
ELyse*
Current song (s):
Myself - Linkin Park
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