Top shelf

     What the shit! He started confessing!!! Wait what?!! NONONO THAT'S NOT ALLOWED!
I'm really trying to figure out what a sex life is... Yea I know... 26 and I'm still not sure of how to casually sex. (It's a good problem, I'm pretty okay with that) anywhoo! Hooking up? What is that how do we do that? Who do you do that with? Am I allowed to just have someone in my bed but like don't touch me?! I've heard stories but how do I make this work for me ya know.
    In an effort to figure this out, I figure okay you gotta be heartless ya know, we don't love them hoes! I'm all pretty woman with that shit, I'm like "nah I don't kiss on the mouth, shits too personal B, I ain't bout that life. Idk how people can have sex and not get attached so I'm not looking you in the eye and I'd rather not kiss you the way I would with someone I like. Unless I'm trying to steal your soul,  play with my victims before I destroy them. Nah but seriously, did you know that if a shark gets flipped on it's back, it goes into a coma like state? Well whales know that and that's how they defeat the shark and EAT them! Yea. Crazy shit. Random snapple fact. Don't look into my eyes. I get got son. That's my kryptonite. Where was I? Oh right, so these are things I don't do. If this is potentially just gonna be sex then nah none of that. I've also thought up sales pitches like: hey my hip flexers really need to be opened up, I'm working on flexibility for dance and my hip flexers suck! Care to help? I mean really no one is turning this down haha but instead dude hits me with some I need to be available emotionally. Errrrr????? Excuse me? Nope. He thought I was playing him by starting and then being like uh no... Yes I like to be in control, but I'm also postive that I like the thought of sex more then doing it. And I haven't been with someone intimately in a little over a year or so, so yes I shut shit down quick! Pineapples! He says it pays to be emotionally available and I'm like no! Backspace delete! I'm ever so sure I'm never gonna romp around with again after that. I started feeling wierd and awkward and exposed... And then...
     ...We meet again friendly rompage commencing, he starts asking follow up questions to our heart to heart last time and I'm just thinking like nope! I don't allow people in my space stop trying to ask me why you're different as if to soften me up. Not gonna happen. So you're thinking elyse he likes you. No he doesn't, he's like me, has to be in control. He wants me to confess and to gush and I'm like meh, I suppose. He even brought up how wierd we are and how surface our "relationship" is and I'm like yea that's where it's gonna stay. He doesn't want a girlfriend, he's sewing his royal oats, he plays with his food but never eats it. He told me that in our first convo. I don't forget!
       There he is the next morning. Confessing. His insecurities. Wait what?!!! Nooo don't do that. What are these mind games. And why are you telling me this? You were soooooo confident before and then he just blurts it out. Ummmm. I'm flattered? I'm confused. Why are you telling me this and where did that come from? I'm not letting you in though. So tell your story walking. I'm so not interested in giving emotionally. And especially to someone who will be careless with it. The last thing you want is for me to be emotionally available. It's like Pandora's box. And really. Ain't NOBODY got time for that! I could see if this was going somewhere but we both no it's not. Yea sure let me add my name to your list! NOT get outta here... If the first thing you tell me is you don't want a girlfriend the whole operation is shut down. Now you're asking me to be more accessible to you by making it seem like it's gonna benefit me??? Hahaha bye Felicia! My liquor's top shelf.

*elyse

Current song(s):