So I spent all day today trying to figure out how do I put myself out there on the market. There's this girl that I think is attractive and I would love to just get to know her but the truth is I'm most likely NOT her type. Truth is I don't feel like I'm anyone's type. I scare people with my in your face aura. Meanwhile if they ever got the chance to know me, they'd build a nest in hopes I'd let them stay. My road block is she met me as the GoGo dancer, which doesn't usually rub people the right way. I'd be viewed as that girl you'd want to sleep with. "oh man, she's amazing! etc" but not the girl you'd take home to mom... hang down your head Tom Dooley, hang down your head and cry...
Anyway I've been racking my brain all day. How do I get her attention in that way. I tell you I'm all about admiring from afar, I'm A LOT to handle. I don't even know what to do with myself half the time. I mean I don't embarrassment and I don't like rejection... oh wait who does. So as I spoke to my twin on the phone, I got so wrapped up in our convo and being like yo F this I'm gonna message her. Done and done... I'm totally not gonna check my fb for the rest of the night because I'm gonna start feeling nauseous again. Gosh so damn nerve racking because I can't control how she thinks and right about now (funk soul brother) I'm completely creating a scenario in my head and it goes a little something like: she reads the message, she's like ugh eww i'm (a) totally not gonna respond, (b) I'm gonna reply but I'm totally gonna duck and dodge this transaction to deter further transactions to be made or (c) idk just be all ew and awkward, cuz I don't like her like that. she's not my type. There's nothing more humbling than putting yourself out there. You're essentially preparing yourself for a bullet in the chest. and here I am, this bougie bitch, encouraging others to put themselves out there. Maybe I wont pull the trigger... no who am I kidding I'll always pull the trigger but maybe it will be blank. Any way I know nothing of this girl besides I see her out and is newly single. Well, I did it. I reached out to her and that's that. I guess I can continue to move about the cabin as I always do. I'll see what happens. I should be sleep, retail knows no weekend.
ps. Those letters??? they weren't there. I found a few small ones. but they weren't there. I know I definitely have them... but I'm definitely not meant to find them right now. I wont find them. I'll wait until they find me.
*Elyse
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