Hurt?

                   I can't even fathom my current situation right now. I'm trying to figure out why in tar-nation is it okay for my friends to tell me when I'm being irrational and making poor decisions left and right, and when I finally state my opinion I'm wrong???? PLEASE CAN SOMEBODY EXPLICAR to me please! where is that Just??? I get criticisms that I am harsh, cold, intimidating? mean etc. But I don't say shit when my friends are beating me up. NOT A DAMN WORD. SO I FINALLY SPEAK UP AND GIVE MY OPINION AND I HURT YOUR FUCKING FEELINGS REALLY!?? OH YOU'RE HURT???? F THAT!!!  i'll tell you what's hurtful! what's hurtful is watching sparkly friends of yours become ordinary because of the people they "LOVE". Or even worse that they KNOW and they choose to make excuses! so you sit there and try to ignore it, because she's "HAPPY". BULL! I'M SOOO BEYOND ANGRY! angry that you would even ask such ASININE questions and be HURT when somebody tells you the GOTDAMN truth. I've sat for years not saying shit to people because I knew that I had stored up so much concrete evidence that it would SHATTER their very existence! and you're hurt because I'm telling you that your job choices are lacking and thats not why you came here in the first place, basically telling you that you're settling! and YOUR feelings are hurt. OH REALLY my feelings weren't hurt with the many asshole things you've said to me right? like when you scolded me about  my job options, NOPE. Cuz apparently I'm that heartless bitch that just doesn't give a shit right.! NO I'M NOT GONNA COSIGN ON YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT! NOT WHEN I THINK YOU ARE SOO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT! But you wanna hear what you want to hear. you'll tell me how hurt you are and be soo quick to tell me off but you wont say a damn thing to the person that you lay down with every night. trying to help you cover your ass in certain situations. FUCK THAT! I'm not hurt I'm seething. You're too fucking stubborn to see. BUT YOU DO SEE. or you wouldn't ask dumb questions. I hold my tongue back from a lot of people. Everyone likes to talk about how real they are. but they can never take it dished back at them. I take a lot of hurtful things A LOT, and everyone thinks that, that shit falls on deaf ears because I don't respond the way they want me to. but thats cause i'm doing that "dugre ritual"- listening instead of reacting... in a nutshell... AND FOR ONE BRIEF MOMENT... ONE BREIF MOMENT! I felt bad I felt like I shoulda been supportive. because everyone says that friends are supposed to have your back and we sift out the rest. and I thought to myself, you really believe that nonsense? PHUKET . I've been curbing my enthusias  because it hurts people too much. and i'll continue to take harsh criticism because well in these moments yea I'M BETTER THAN YOU! I know how hurtful it is and you keep pressing me. So don't act brand new... you OWE ME THAT MUCH! 

*eLLe